When I set about on my search for some mum stories, I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of responses I received. Not only because I felt it was amazing that I could in fact reach real mums from all over Oz and connect with them somehow, but also because for one reason or another, they did feel they had a story to share and to share them with me nonetheless is nothing short of humbling.
The variations of stories I have received so far has been incredible and really makes me see that despite our different lifestyles, parenting abilities, family makeup etc we all have one thing in common – we are all mums with the same goals.
For the first #TheRealMumsOfInstagram episode, I have chosen a story that stood out over the rest. For the purpose of Anonymity, some details have been changed or omitted. Here’s her story.
Real Mum #1 is a twenty something first time mum to a gorgeous little girl whom she and her husband of four years dote on. They call the eastern suburbs of Melbourne home, where she also works and studies on the side. As a hobby, she likes to sing, hike and paint.
Firstly, tell me about the number ones in your life?
My darling daughter is a ray of sunshine, she is a delight to be around. She loves to talk and appreciates the little things in life. She is quirky and fun. A very intuitive and loving child, always looking out for the people and things she cares about. She is very vocal and speaks her mind but isn’t afraid to be doing things on her own too. She loves to dance! And not some dainty little jig, she will absolutely shake her little booty off. She smiles with her eyes and it brightens up our lives :). She completes us.
And by “us” I’m guessing you are referring to your husband, tell me about him?
He is the love of my life, soul mate, best friend, well-wisher, mentor, my all. He brings the best out of me. We have the mutual trust and respect for each other and that’s really important. Love may come and go but we remind each other even through the down, that we mean so much to each other. I see how a father should be to his daughter and he is the definition of that in my books. He is a wonderful husband, but an amazing father :).
So tell me about your life before kids?
My life prior to meeting my husband and becoming a mother was not a happy one. I came from a domestic violence background. My father was very abusive towards my mother and I. I endured childhood sexual abuse by my father for 6 years from a tender age of 6 and couldn’t confide in anyone let alone my mother. My mother and I had a near escape by running away and starting fresh. Life wasn’t always happy for me because going through puberty made me understand what I went through and paranoia set in. I hated men, but my mum refused to put me in an all girls school. I hated her at the time but it’s the best decision she made. I was bullied at school and had very low self esteem. I hardly came to school because I felt useless, I had no idea where I belonged. My year 7/8 coordinator clearly saw something different and helped me out. My parents divorced at the end of year 8 and that was my turning point. I still hadn’t confronted my deep rooted fears and didn’t have many friends. When year 12 results came out, I wasn’t in a good place at all and my results showed. However, with the support from my mother, who by the way is my role model, enrolled in the course I wanted and made a comeback. I had to start low but build my way up. I realised not all men are bad and learned to speak up, voice my opinion. More importantly I had people who I could trust and call my friends. At 20, I met my husband who is 3 years older than me and he was the best thing that happened to me by far. He helped me build up my self esteem, made me believe and love by my values and made me realise when one trusts and loves his/herself first, they’ll learn to trust and love others.
How is life now as a mother yourself?
I count my life as a mother a blessing. I never imagined becoming pregnant due to the prolonged abuse, let alone be a wife and have a family of my own. It’s taught me to never take things or people you value and love for granted and to seize every opportunity life throws at you. Everyday isn’t perfect but I have a choice to make it so and that’s what I do. I wake up every morning and choose to be the person I am and I am very proud of it.
What was your expectation of motherhood beforehand?
I always loved being around kids and wanted a child/children of my own but didn’t know how I’d cope. I didn’t want to do unjust by the child by dragging him/her into my waves of problems. Becoming a mother has been a dream come true and not many people realise why.
Has motherhood changed you?
Becoming a mother isn’t easy, I got a lot of “oh don’t worry, that’s all part of it” or “get used to it, it is bound to get worse.” The first 3 months was very difficult and I used to get into the typical, no one understands me mode. But my daughter made the journey so pleasant, her smiles, cuddles, touches and nuzzles all made up for my negative emotions. That’s when it clicked, I am not being the person I promised to be, I was not being myself, I lost trust in me. Once I started pushing the expectation and what society thinks out, I realised what motherhood truly was. I cried with my daughter, I walked with her, I laughed with her, screamed with her, loved with her and fell in love with her. She became my best friend. I may be her mother, but she still has a choice in how she lives her life. Parents forget to be their children’s friend, as my mother was. Remember when we are older, our kids look after us, they become our parents. Leading by example is the best way to bond with oneself and other and in this case, my daughter.
Is there any regrets or downsides to motherhood?
None what so ever. Whatever pain and torment I went through, I am not defined by it. My experience merely shaped me as a person and I changed it positively to suit my values.
What do you feel are your strengths as a parent and what do you think you can improve on?
My strengths are understanding and appreciating my weaknesses and not afraid to ask help when needed. I want to be a super mum but I realise I am not always perfect.
To improve on, I stress tremendously over little things. I have to learn to let go and that it is ok if things don’t work out as planned.
What are your hopes and dreams for the future? Any plans?
My only dream and hope is that my children treats everyone fairly, never jump to conclusion about someone before getting to know them and their circumstances. To enjoy simple pleasures in life and respect nature. To love selflessly and never expect anything in return.
We are adopting our second child and will be underway with the process by our daughter’s next birthday :-).
What’s the best parenting advice you would like to share with the mums reading this?
“Take it slow and embrace it all. Take in every moment because it goes by too quickly!” Best advice my mother ever gave me.
Some quotes as well:
“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.” – Albert Einstein
“There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness.” – Dalai Lama
Is there a charity or cause you would like to raise awareness of?
I am currently volunteering with an organisation called Big Brothers Big Sisters. This organisation works with children who have come from traumatic backgrounds whether it be parents who are substance abusers, domestic violence, sexual abuse, bullying, foster care. I will be soon mentoring a little sister and look forward to inspiring and motivating her in the best way I can.
Any final words?
Joanna, this is a wonderful initiative and I am extremely interested in all your future creative thoughts you are willing to share. Thank you for this opportunity. Little things such as this connects people from different corners which in turn makes a huge impact, big or little difference in everyone’s lives. Well done!
Thank you so much for your honest and real response. It’s very brave of you to want to share this with me and other mums. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to tell your story, I really believe we may help even just one person who may be/had gone thru similar experiences.
If you or someone you know needs to talk about personal issues, call
Lifeline on 13 11 14 or see a trusted practitioner such as your GP. If you are concerned over immediate safety please call 000.
Thanks for reading.
Joanna
mumstyleblogger 